YAMI

Another night spent without sleep and dream and here again I hear every snooze of my alarm, another perfect time when all the words spin in my head and also another perfect time to ruin it all for not writing it down. Yeah, I call it perfect just because I enjoy it. Night. Being wide awake at night. I can't count how many times I enjoy driving at night under the city lights, how much money I make because my productivity boosts rapidly, countless life-developing conversations, a few confessions to whom deserves it, a few intense skin-ships, and other countless moments. Basically, I'm trying to say best things happen to me when the sun goes down.

Night is also a time to see darkness clearly. In a sleep, in a dream. Even the sweetest dream contains a pure darkness, it's pure, but it's dark. Really dark. I really hate dreaming in the middle of sleep. Imagine having another life when you are about to release your soul for a while. Just please, get me out of those surreal views. Is it a bit too much? Yes I think so, I can't hate dreams that much. It feels, just, bothering. I can't stand having a sweet dream. During the day, I dream of something and I know I can fight for them and what if I dreamed something when I sleep? It's absolutely not going to happen and even worse, I don't even want them to be my dreams.

You may think that I am exaggerating an irrelevant problem, and yes, I am, I strangely enjoy exploring deeper about irrelevant problem and also irrelevant solution. Is a dream at night itself something irrelevant, especially for living in reality? Absolute yes. How do I supposed to hate or at least avoid dreaming at night? Because some people I know and I love tell me to have a sweet dream before I go to sleep. 'Good night, sweet dream.' They say. You say. A few people used to said it every night. Yeah. A few. They ask me to go into the dark, but they don't follow. When I'm wide awake, they don't even ask about my journey in the dark. When the night comes again, they ask me to go into the dark again, and they aren't following.

How can a soul filled with that kind of habit? So we quit. I quit. They quit. I stand by my own side. I am foolish enough to think I can feed my soul on my own. I am dumb enough to think I can find myself, explore myself. It's like a snake that bites its own tail I think. And start to think again, is it so important to have a sweet dream at night? That pure dark thing? No, I don't know, please tell me it's a no. But those lots of people, a few people, and you, keep telling me to have a sweet dream for a reason, right? I know you don't know. But I guess, that's what feeds the souls. When you don't sleep, you'll realize. When I don't sleep, I still see dreams. When I don't sleep, I see a glimpse of another person, another you, telling me to have a sweet dream in my sleep. And I would like to say thank you for being a dream in a sleepless night. And that's what really means. Then I like being up all night even more. Sweet dream without sleep, sweet dream without night, and sweet dream in a consciousness when things are perceived as the real thing.

I avoid dreaming in my sleep while that's what feeds my soul. Therefore I don't want to sleep because in my sleepless nights I can dream of you and in my days I can see the real form of my dream and once more that's what really means.

So, one more cup of coffee? Hope it's still not too late.