Before Friday

Have you ever feel like you are changed from the person you used to be?

It's not like shit your ex said
Wait, they might be true that you have changed....
Still irrelevant, they just haven't known you yet (and you kissed them for fuck's sake)
....
....
Do I know myself?
Hell yes! I never let tumblr-advisor suggests me to go find out my true self. My true self is what is inside me. The 5 year old me is my true self, the current me is my true self, the older version of me is my true self, even if I try to be someone else, it's still my true self : my fake-plastic-tree version.

What I'm trying to say is, no matter how far I am from the image of myself that I picture, I am my true self. I will not deny my self-opinionated personality or my cold-hard-bitching attitude or anything considered bad, by saying it's not my true self. Yeah I have to deal with those assholes within, until forever.

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Look at my first question on the top, this is what I try to answer it. Yes, I feel like I am changed from the person I used to be, if I could meet my past self I would punch him right in the face. 

And that's what really hurts.

I'm just trying to move closer to my desired image of myself and that means I have to "modify" my true self, and sometimes I can be the person that I imagine but that's not as good as I thought.

I change my point of view of myself and try to picture a new image.

Everyone, like, everyone, contributes to add stuffs that I should obtain or bin, to the image. We weren't live by ourselves, we should take stuffs from people around, so don't say "be yourself and don't listen to others" stuff to me because it's irrelevant with the reality. I will listen, but still, I am the one who decides the picture of my image.

At this point, I figure it out.

Why I feel like I have changed, like, in a space of years, months, or even days. It's because I can't stand being my current state. I want to "upgrade" my true self, my desired image, and that's the thing sometimes people can't deal with. For example, if I imagined myself as a criminal then the police would arrest me. It's normal that people can't accept the change. Not only people around, even we ourselves may feel like our past self or current self is a fucking douchebag.

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At least, my view helps me to deal with people who "change".

P. S : Sorry for generalizing the ex's you-have-changed sayings are shit, please don't be offended, try to understand the context and read between the lines.

Will be writing frequently, cheers.